Bearly Hot

It’s called Bearly Hot for a reason.

This is the sauce for people who say “I like spicy” but also want to taste their food and maybe function afterward. It’s got enough heat to wake you up, a slightly sweet finish to smooth things over, and no desire to prove anything to anyone. Like a firm handshake from someone who lifts but doesn’t talk about it.

Also there’s a white guy on the label so if you expected this to melt your face off, that’s on you. This is more “delicious with a warning” than “emergency eyewash station.”

• Mild-to-medium heat with a finish that’s weirdly polite

• Sweet up front, heat in the back like a mullet with better taste

• A 5 oz bottle of flavor that says, “I have opinions about slings”

• Pairs well with meat, eggs, rice bowls, or anything sad you microwaved

• Zero tears, unless you read the ingredients and realize you’re out

Best used by:
People who own more knives than spatulas.
People who say “send it” before checking the expiration date.
People who know how to pronounce “chipotle” but choose not to.